Anna

Craft with Anna Li Lai Nam, interviewed by Michelle Wong

What was your original motivation in drafting this CNF piece? How did you generate your raw materials for your work? How did you select which angle to try out?

Anna: My original motivation came from a rough draft of my fictional story that I had started but dropped before I went far. I had wanted to capture my experience studying abroad and that sense of disorientation of being away from home, and it did not come easily in the story. But I did not want to completely give up on the idea. So the CNF became another opportunity for me to tackle that feeling again. I mostly generated my raw materials thinking of sleepless moments and how sleeplessness sharpened what I felt, which is why in my first draft there were fragmented descriptions of senses. I’m trying to write about a pretty personal experience, so the angle was kind of like looking inwards at a lot of what went on in my head in contrast to the unfamiliarity around me.

What particular time and place, period or moment did you find yourself exploring in your chosen CNF writing?

Anna: My CNF is mostly about the semester I spent in London last year, especially during the period when I was adapting, but I also look a bit at the present to reflect on how that time affected me, how my sleeping habits have changed and why.

What revelations came up, or came into, your own CNF that you were not expecting?

Anna: I thought it would be easy to write about something that comes directly out of my own memories. After all I only had to record and did not have to create out of the blue. The contrary was true– I realised that while what happened was clear enough, the experience and feelings are hard to grasp and define or articulate. How do I make readers feel what I felt? How do I make it make sense? Simply dictating the details of sleepless nights did not mean much; it did not take a form. I had to reach deeper and try to figure out the reasons behind my responses in the past that I had not even known were there until I set myself to writing.

What materials or objects or guiding details did you discover that helped you to explore your writing?

Anna: I did not know how to start. There could’ve been so many entry points if I had done it chronologically, but they all felt awkward rather than right to me. So I cast my mind at things related to sleep instead and ended up with the fairytale of Sleeping Beauty. Through trying to twist the tale to tell my own story, it actually became clearer to me in which direction I should proceed. Looking at the draft now it is probably confusing to open with a fairy tale in a CNF, but it proved a key part that I can further adapt as the piece develops.

What parts of your CNF draft do you feel are calling you to revisit to learn or discover more?

Anna: I hadn’t realised I was writing about a sort of liminality until Dr. Richards brought it up and I’d really like to delve more into the concept and incorporate it into what I already have. I also meant for the fairy tale to simply serve as an introduction, but it turns out that a twisted fairy tale, the uncomfortability that comes from its violating our expectations, does in fact share a lot in common with my experience in a foreign country. I think it might be interesting to further twine that into my CNF.

What materials or decisions of drafting did you find were leading you away from where you realised you wanted to go? What is edited out so far? What raw materials or decisions were leading you back to where you wanted to go?

Anna: I think the combination of a fairy tale introduction and high diction sometimes led me astray from what I wanted to convey. I did intend to create humour through some exaggeration, in a piece about a topic that can be heavy, but the feedback I got from workshopping told me it actually confused readers and raised doubts about whether the piece was CNF or Fiction. I’m not sure I want to edit that out though, since the problem probably can be solved by rearranging the order and I am hesitant to let go of the effect I intended.

What is one image, or one detail or observation, that stands out for you, as carrying your story with it now, as you keep drafting? A detail or image or phrase of your own work that struck you as crucial, even if you’re not sure how or why yet?

Anna: The image of “foreign city lit up by foreign lights.” I was really glad Dr Richards noted that particular phrase, because personally I’m happy with it too. That detail really stuck me when I was writing, that memory of myself in my dark room alone at night while the city beyond the window was brightly lit, though far away. There is a sense of distance I think is crucial.

What is the braid of self-contradiction that is giving your CNF its working structure and carrying it powerfully so far?

Anna: My CNF kind of goes from one contradiction to another. Firstly, that I wanted to sleep yet could not, then that I wanted to sleep but would not. I would say the first comes from hoping to escape through sleep, while some change in me that I am still figuring out made me reluctant to fall go to sleep despite physically wanting to.

What new questions are now coming up for you, as the subject of your CNF? What questions are coming up for you as the author of your CNF?

Anna: This goes back to the last question. I still have trouble figuring out what caused that change from being unable to sleep to shunning sleep to a certain extent. I know I don’t necessarily have to have a definite answer in my CNF, but I’m still unsure how I may present that uncertainty too.

Is there any further knowledge or research you need? Are there certain aspects that need more time and comfort to explore further?

Anna: I probably don’t need further research since this is a largely personal experience. I try to write about what I felt and figure things out along the way, as kind of a reflection that is a year late. But I do need time for figuring that out. I have a clear idea where to start but the idea of approaching the twist intimidates me a bit. I want to make a smooth transition that is not out of place or abrupt.