Geri

Craft with Geri Cheng, interviewed by Anna Li Lai Nam

What was your original motivation in drafting this CNF piece? How did you generate your raw materials for your work? How did you select which angle to try out?

Geri: My original motivation came from me wanting to explore the philosophical contradictions that exist within myself, namely pride and humility. I tried to generate raw materials for my work by recollecting moments in which I’ve experienced those emotions and contradictions and trying to recall how I felt during those moments.

What particular time and place, period or moment, did you find yourself exploring in your chosen CNF writing?

Geri: My CNF writing is situated mostly in the present, but with some references to events that happened in the past as well. At the moment, it is mainly just my own musings on my desire to be both humble but also wanting to be more. Since these are contradictions that I still wrestle with, my CNF also reflects this as well.

What revelations came up, or came into, your own CNF that you were not expecting?

Geri: Not only did I find it difficult to search for self-contradictions, but I also didn’t realise that it would be so difficult to think about those moments where my self-contradictions are exhibited. I also struggle with building patterns in my own CNF and don’t really know how to “slow it down.” During the workshop, Dr. Richards mentioned that she thought the idea of ‘self-invention’ coming through in my CNF was really interesting, and that is not something that I consciously thought about until now.

What materials or objects or guiding details did you discover that helped you to explore your writing?

Geri: Since the virtue of humility plays an important role in my CNF, I thought the Bible was important in helping me explore my writing, especially since my background is heavily influenced by Christian tradition. Other literature such as Milton’s Paradise Lost and Neil Gaiman’s Sandman were also important references for me. Basically, books play a huge role in influencing the creation of my CNF.

What parts of your CNF draft do you feel are calling you to revisit to learn or discover more?

Geri: I really liked the idea of ‘self-invention’ and not wanting to be a part of someone else’s history that was discussed during the workshop. I would like to expand on this idea a little more in my CNF.

What materials or decisions of drafting did you find were leading you away from where you realised you wanted to go? What is edited out so far? What raw materials or decisions were leading you back to where you wanted to go?

Geri: I think the more I write my CNF the more complicated the topic seems to have become. Prior to writing my CNF, I thought I had a really clear and straightforward idea and self-contradiction, which is how even though I know that we are technically very significant beings in such a wide world, I still have the desire to become more than a ‘speck of dust.’ But the more I develop my CNF, the more new ideas come in and I have no idea where to place them in order to make everything coherent and understandable. I am not quite sure how to bring up the larger themes of my CNF and what events I should place an emphasis on. There is also the problem of ‘holding back’ since writing about myself is challenging and embarrassing because there is the desire of wanting to be seen a certain way and not wanting to be completely vulnerable.

What is one image, or one detail or observation, that stands out for you, as carrying your story with it now, as you keep drafting? A detail or image or phrase of your own work that struck you as crucial, even if you’re not sure how or why yet?

Geri: One of the details mentioned during the workshop that seems to have resonated with some of my classmates is the phrase “a ghost in passing” and the image of a Devil’s advocate. I also believe these details have stood out to me as well.

What is the braid of self-contradiction that is giving your CNF its working structure and carrying it powerfully so far?

Geri: The self-contradiction in my CNF is trying to strike a balance between being humble and wanting to be the best or admired for the things that I do. That it is strange even though I acknowledge and know that human beings are actually quite insignificant compared to the vastness of the universe; there is still a desire to want to be more and refusing to live like a speck of dust.

What new questions are now coming up for you, as the subject of your CNF? What questions are coming up for you as the author of your CNF?

Geri: I’m not sure what new questions are coming up for me as the subject of my CNF. But questions that are coming up for me as the author include how I am going to build a coherent pattern throughout the CNF and make it inviting and engaging for the readers. There are currently a lot of musings in my CNF and not many close observations, which is something I need to resolve.

Is there any further knowledge or research you need? Are there certain aspects that need more time and comfort to explore further?

Geri: I’m not sure if I require further knowledge or research, but there are definitely moments where I feel uninspired and that my CNF has reached an impasse. There are moments where I don’t know how to continue my CNF and expand on it, but I’m not sure how further knowledge could help me since it is personal rather than anything factual. I think it would be helpful to do the vatic state exercise again and see whether there are some relevant thoughts that can make a valuable contribution to my CNF.